APRIL 18, 1997 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 25

BIG TIPS

It's spring: Time to change your life, in little ways

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

I'm gazing out my window at a crow, who is busily working on a nest. All winter, I've been contemplating what appeared to be a nasty leaf ball in a fork of branches right outside my living room, and wondering if it was ever, in the distant past, a functional home for any one of god's creatures, or if it was just some clot of trash lodged up there in a windstorm.

I shouldn't have been so quick to judge by appearances, because with a few hours of yanking and poking and an' extra piece of string or two, it seems to have been transformed into, um, well, a clot of trash that a crow could proudly call home.

It doesn't have to take a new job, or lover,

or fresh paint to make your life feel fresh and

new and jaunty. Some-

times you can just take

your little self as your are, and with a couple new pieces of metaphoric string, you're brighter and more pleased with yourself.

Eat artichokes and asparagus in season. With mayo or melted butter. Your choice.

Fight the tyranny of words. I like novels and how-tos as much as the next texthead, but sometimes it's good to go to the library and check out some art books, and wallow around in pictures. I think we hear so much talking every day that excess words can build up in the little crenellations of our brains. We need mental Q-Tips to get in the wrinkles and clean 'em up. In the same vein, when you're listening to music, switch to wordless tunes every once in a while: jazz, ambient, marimba and drums, classical. It makes a nice roomy, fertile bed for your sprouting thoughts.

Squeeze your friends' hands. Sometimes

a full-out hug isn't exactly called for, but it's nice to remind them that we don't just like the

Dye your hair, at least once. It isn't just for disguising the "shame of gray" any

more.

If spring isn't here already, it's hot on our heels. Go crazy.

Dye your hair, at least once. It isn't just for disguising the "shame of gray" any more. It's fast, and can make a gal or guy feel transformed. If you work somewhere sober, be modest: auburn. Ash blonde. Let out your inner Elvis with a nice blue-black. If you feel happy with visible tattoos and a pierced lip, go fuchsia or lime green. Get a happy head. (If you don't have any there, do your armpits.)

Leave the butter out. I used to think I'd die of some deadly dairy disease if I didn't whip the stick right back in the fridge when I was done with it, but after secretly observing several housemates' health after consuming butter left al fresco for days on end, I've come to the conclusion that it's pretty nice to slather a slice instead of shaving off frozen chips that promptly cool down your toast.

Keep enough money out of your taxes to get a little return. Yeah, I know you could be getting interest on that money all year, but would you really save it? I just got back my modest sum, and promptly went out and bought 15 pairs of black socks. If I had bought 21⁄2 socks a month all year long, I wouldn't have this luxurious pile of fresh, elasticy footwear. Mmmm.

Use a feather duster. It doesn't do a damn thing except make the dust airborne, but it's so satisfying to swoop those plumes across the top of your TV, and see it gleam. Plus, you can play French maid. While you're in housewares, get a Dustbuster. It's a quick way to suck up the resultant dust wads in the

corners.

idea of their friendship, we like all of them.

Make a will. All right, I still haven't gotten life insurance, but you've got to start being responsible somewhere. I don't want to stick

my near and dear with the bill for disposing of my husk, or the even more exciting prospect of deciding what to do with my, well, interesting personal possessions. Only I know that Tom would probably best appreciate the prison art, and Valerie the zines. So save up for the lawyer, and take what pleasure you will in sticking your loved ones with your weird stuff.

Switch from aspirin. I'm always one for sticking with a classic, so when I had a bad toothache for a few months in a row, I didn't understand why the handfuls of aspirin not only didn't quite take care of the pain, I was also feeling nauseous. Fortunately, my friend Chester, the nurse practitioner, let me know what was probably up before I actually burned a hole straight through my stomach. Duh. Go buffered. (Of course, I eventually ended up with a prescription for Percodan, but that's another dreamy story. Ahh.)

Basically, just tweak the little things, or do something you've been putting off. Try a different brand of lube. Wink at someone on the bus. Plant some mint. Comb your chest hair into little patterns. Buy crunchy instead of creamy. Chase a squirrel. Fold the top down. Wear a short skirt (even you butches). Switch deodorants. Break out the sidewalk chalk. Squeeze the Charmin. Go nutty.

Send your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone @drizzle.com.

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Visit our web page at http://members.aol.com/rhreads

WHAT EMBODIES

THE SPIRIT OF LIBERATION?

DEEPER LIFE |~

Deeper Life is an hour and a half of prayer and meditation and is open to all who would like to attend. Deeper Life meets each Wednesday from 7-8:30 PM at the UCC National Offices, 700 Prospect Avenue, Cleveland.

HIV+ SPIRITUAL SUPPORT GROUP Those in the HIV+ spectrum gather to offer each other spiritual and emotional support. The group meets on the third Monday of the month at members' homes.

PARENTS GROUP |<-

Gay and lesbian parents face special challenges in raising their families in today's society. This group meets to discuss parenting issues and plans activities for Liberation parents and their children.

SECOND HOUR

The Education Committee sponsors this dialogue each week after worship services. All are welcome to join the group as they explore in more depth the readings and sermons of the day.

Genesis 9:12-13 ▼ Luke 4:18-19

▼LIBERATION

UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST

700 Prospect Ave.▼ Cleveland, Ohio 44115 ▼ 216-781-5822

Liberation UCC worships at the Hillel Foundation, located on the corner of Euclid Avenue and Ford Drive next to the Church of the Covenant, each Sunday at 10:30 AM. Free parking is available next to the church or in the adjacent parking garage.

CHURCH OF THE COVIANT

EUCLID AV

MATTIND